ZIPYAPODEDA’S MICE MISSION.

On Monday Abby was in her backyard saving bees, butterflies, birds and looking after her pet lamb she saved from a fire. When she was finished she had a picnic with her teddies than her dog Zipyapodeda went up to her and said, “Hi” in a human voice. Abby fainted in surprise.

Her icy blue eyes opened as she was woken up by Zipyapodeda licking her face with his long, red tongue and yelling “Abby, Abby.” She got to her weirdly small feet and almost fainted again. “Y-y-you can talk b-b-but you're a dog,” she said frightenedly.

“Ok yes I'm a dog and yes I can talk but I.”

“AHHHHHHHHHHH its true you can talk its not a dream.”  

“Yes but I need your help with something,” Zipyapodeda said calmly.

“Um ok so what is it?” she said with her heart racing. Zipyapodeda told Abby about a secret mission he was doing. “So basically all we have to do is catch lots of mice and put this stuff on them so when the cats eat or smell them, the cats will turn good and will be ruled by humans and dogs,” said Abby finally, calm but confused.

“Yes thats basically what's gonna happen.”

“But I still don't get why we’re doing this, why to cats?”

“Because cats have been trying to make all humans allergic to dogs so they can then become mans best friend and do some weird commando thing so humans will obey the cats and cats will rule the world,” Zipyapodeda said with a big gasp of breath at the end.

“Ohhhhhh right,” Abby said.

So the next day Abby and Zipyapodeda set off to find lots of mice. Abby went into a pet shop where she worked and asked her manager how much it would cost to buy all of the mice. It was far too much money so Abby just brought two mice. Zipyapodeda’s long, black fur blew in the wind while he was chasing about four mice around a big field. He finally caught three of them but the fourth one got away. Abby and Zipyapodeda met up at the park and decided that this was going to be far too hard. “How are we supposed to find and catch like five hundred mice, this is gonna be impossible.” Zipyapodeda said panting his heart out. Then a great idea popped into Abby’s head “I know, why don't we buy one of those whistle things that attract mice you know the ones we see on T.V KILL THOSE MICE I think its called. We can lead them into the big barn out the back of the field.”       

“What a wonderful idea but where will get one of those whistles?” said Zipyapodeda with his manky tail wagging.

That night Abby went on ebay looking for a KILL THOSE MICE  whistle “ I found one, yay, this is great. ZIPYAPODEDA guess what?”

Zipyapodeda woke up with dribble everywhere “Ha ha sorry. So what is it thats made you so happy?”

“I found one “

“Found what?” Zipyapodeda said with a big yawn at the end.

“A whistle to attract mice you know the KILL THOSE MICE whistle.”

“Ohhh that whistle. WELL THATS GREAT!”............

“Its here.” Abby went flying out the door to get the package. Zipyapodeda followed Abby. They opened the box and inside was a very large whistle so Abby blew on it. “For such a big whistle it makes almost no sound.”

“Well thats weird.” All of a sudden four or five mice came inside and crowded around Abby and Zipyapodeda. Abby quickly grabbed them and put them in the box that the whistle came in. “Yay it works. Come on lets go get us some more mice,” Abby said eagerly. Abby and Zipyapodeda went through fields, towns and old barns. When they were walking to the old barn out the back of the field they heard weird noises coming from behind them. Abby and Zipyapodeda turned round slowly to find about one thousand mice following them. “Keep blowing the whistle and RUN to the barn, I’ll go behind and make sure the mice keep moving,” Zipyapodeda said with great excitement.

“We made it (puff puff). Look at all these mice.” Abby said puffing.

“At midnight I’ll go get the spray to spray the mice, from my friend Sacklolia.”

“Ok I’ll sleep in here with the mice and I’ll set my alarm so it goes off every twenty minutes to blow the whistle.”

The next morning Zipyapodeda and Abby started spraying the spray all over the mice. The spray stunk so Abby went and got masks for Zipyapodeda and herself to wear. “This is gonna take for ever, huh”

“Oh well.” It took about two hours to get the spray all over all of the mice than they were ready to set them free.

“I’ll go all the way down to the front of the field, and when I look far enough away open the barn door. I’ll blow the whistle, hopefully the mice will follow and go all over town and everywhere,” Abby said hoping her plan would work.

“Ok.” Abby ran as fast as she could down to the front of the field, Zipyapodeda opened the barn door and all the mice went charging out after Abby. She came running back to Zipyapodeda “All the mice went and I saw a few cats chasing some so lets hope this works”

“Oh good”

All the cats were turned good. All except for one - Blabumdepoo. She knew the whole time what Zipyapodeda was up to but she kept it to herself. Abby and Zipyapodeda went back to being normal except for the fact that Zipyapodeda can talk. Everybody was saved, well at least Abby and Zipyapodeda think so........To be continued

    

By Abby Julie Hansen            

Great writing Abby. I really liked the descriptions and your use of conversational language as well as the plot. Your next learning steps are to consistently use capital 'I' and '?' as well as to add more detail to the description of your characters personalities. Remember to vary your sentence lengths.