Levars Survey

Sammi's Narrative

The Princess that turn the Queen into a Bear.

By Sammi Lu

Once upon a time there was a kingdom far, far away. In the Kingdom there was a Princess, King and a Queen. The Princess is adventurous. She didn’t care how dangerous it was she just needed her bow and arrow and trusty companion her black horse. The Princess had long, bushy, red hair that swayed in the wind. The King is big and muscular. He will protect his family no matter what. The king had red bushy hair and a big black beard. The Queen is more ladylike than her daughter, she has long beautiful brown hair.

One day the Queen decided to stitch a big family portrait on a big piece of brown cloth the picture had the Princess, King and herself in it.

When the Princess turned sixteen the Queen decided to teach the Princess how to act like a Princess.

“ But I am a Princess” said the Princess.

“ You don't act like a Princess” said the Queen. “ From this day on I will teach you how to be a proper Princess” said the Queen.

The next day in the morning the Queen asked one of the kingdoms maid, “Go and wake up the Princess and tell her to come in the dining room,” said the Queen.

“ Ok your majesty,” said the maid.

The maid walked up to the Princess’ room and knocked on the door. The Princess didn’t reply so she knocked on the door again and the Princess didn’t reply again. The maid was worried that the Princess wasn’t in her room so she slammed the door open and the Princess got a fright.

“ What was that for?” said the Princess.

“Well you didn’t answer me when I was knocking so I thought you weren’t in your room,” said the maid. “Quickly get dressed brush your teeth and meet your mother in the dining room,” said the maid.

“Fine,” said the Princess.

The Princess woke up, got dressed and brushed her teeth. When the Princess was walking to the dining room she was quite hungry. When the Princess saw the food on the table she quickly sat down on a chair. “Lets eat Mother I am hungry,” said the Princess.

“Ok,” said the Queen.

After breakfast they went to the study room.

“Ok, we are going to start the Princess fix up,” said the Queen.

“ The Princess fix up? ”said the Princess.

“ Um.... yeah,” said the Queen.

*1 month later*

One day the Princess got frustrated with the Queen because she always said do this and do that. That day the Princess run away with black horse. They rode and rode until black horse stopped so the Princess got flung forward.

“ What was that for,” said the Princess while she cried.

For some reason black horse was scared. There was a little house. In the little house there was a little old Lady. The Princess knew the old lady was a witch so she went in the old ladies’  house. She wanted a potion that would make her mother disappear because the princess was so angry and frustrated with the Queen she never wanted to she her again. When the Princess went into the house the Witch wasn’t in the house. So the Princess looked around and around she couldn't find her. When the Princess looked around there was writing on the wall. It said ‘hello my name is Martha’

“Martha?” the princess called and a magic trapdoor opened from the floor. Martha popped up, “Yessss darling,” she said in a cranky voice.

“I Want a potion that would make my Mother disappear,” said the Princess.

“My potion making is over,” said Martha.

“I will give you my necklace,” said the Princess.

“Come closer with your necklace,” said Martha. The Princess went closer to Martha. “Where did you get this necklace? “said Martha.

“My Mother gave it to Me” said the Princess.

“Fine I will make a potion for you but you need to give me your necklace” said Martha.

“Ok,” said the Princess.

Martha clapped her hands and a big pot came up from the floor. She said magic words. Then a potion appeared in Martha’s hands. “Now listen carefully when you want to use the potion add water in the potion then it will activate. Wait for 6 seconds. If you want to reverse the spell just say oh dear oh dear I want her back I have made a mistake I want her back, but you will have to wait for two days for the spell to reverse,” said Martha.

“Yes I will” said the Princess.

The Princess took the potion off Martha went out of the house got on black horse and rode to the kingdom. Then went in the kingdom. Then she went in the kitchen got a cup poured the water half way then poured the potion and waited for 6 seconds. Then the cup turned into an apple. The Princess walked up to the Queen’s room and knocked on the door.

“ Come in,” said the Queen.

The Princess went in and give the Queen the apple.

“What is this for?” said the Queen.

“It’s to say I am sorry and plus I know you like apples,” said the Princess.

The Queen took the apple got a bite. But afterwards the Queen didn’t feel well so she decided to lay down for awhile. When the Queen was laying down she felt a tingle so she got up but when she got up she was turning into a bear. The Princess was frightened she didn’t know what to do. The Queen saw the Princess’ frightened face and she quickly ran to the mirror. Just then the Princess remembered the reverse spell.

“ Mother Mother we need to wait for two days for the spell to reverse,” said the Princess.

* Two days later *

In the two days the Princess and the Queen bonded. They went fishing and swimming together in the past two days. It was the second day the Princess and the Queen went to this lovely patch of flowers. They decided to say the reverse spell here.

“Oh dear oh dear I want her back I have made a mistake I want her back,” said the Princess.

Then there was a sparkle, a flash and a wiz then the Queen started to turn back into a human.

“It worked it worked! “said the Princess.

“I’m, I’m back as a human “ said the Queen happily.

They dance with joy all afternoon. The Princess learned her lesson. They went back as a happy family and they all lived happily ever after.

The End    

Great writing Sammi. Nice vocabulary and good use of direct speech. Your NLS are to: use speech marks correctly, add more detail to your character descriptions and to organise your paragraphs correctly.

Kevin's Narrative

A New Planet

The year is 2022. A scientist discovered a new planet that is identical to Earth. It has water and it’s just the right size for people to live in and also there’s a sun. They are going to call it Auris.  The president of America called the group called Vanu Sovereignty.  The president ordered them to head to Auris next month. It will take 4 years to reach. Their  ship is called Galaxy  Vx3  it’s armed with lasers in front, 2 lasers at the side of the ship one laser at the back and one nuke on the top.

After several days of training they are ready to launch. In 5 minutes they will launch. Today the earth stood still. There were no cars on the street, no planes in the air. Everyone stayed at home and watched T.V just to see them launch into space. T Minus 10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1 BLAST OFF!

They are in space now and heading towards Auris. They are traveling 100000 km per hour. In one hour they had no sight of the earth and the sun. They were in middle of nowhere.

One Year passed. They had travelled 100000000 light years  from earth. It was so far away that they had lost contact with Nasa but they can use their long range telescope to see them. It was so far away it was blurry.

3 years passed and they had traveled  300000000 light years  from Earth. Only 1 more year to go. Kennedy said, “We have unidentified aircraft approaching us from the north and closing in fast.” When the radar said it was right in front of them they couldn't see anything. Nick said “Get ready to shoot,” but then the radar said it was right behind him. The unidentified aircraft shot its lasers at the 4 engines. The aircraft rocked like a 10.1 earthquake.  Kennedy banged into a windscreen. Nick stayed on his chair. The other Rick  went flying across the ship and jason also went flying. After the unidentified aircraft flew away one of the astronauts was knocked unconscious and everyone else was ok. The ship has 6 engines but 4 of them had been destroyed so they only have 2 engines left.  The ship needed 6 engines to move and without those engines they couldn’t move fast they could only travel 60 km per hour. Nick said, “We need to repair the engines.” Then Jason said, “We don't need to, we have nanobots to repair the shredded engines but it will take 8 months to fully repair the engines.” Nick said “Let’s just use those 2 engines to head back to Earth”

“But it will take forever,” said Jason.

8 months passed. The good news is that the engines had been repaired but the bad news is that they are running out of food. Now the ship is heading towards earth traveling  100000 per hour  back to earth. Now they have to wait 2 years just to head back. The 2 astronauts said, “We don't have enough food to make it back to Earth.” But there's something worse than starving to death the ship only had 30% of oxygen remaining. They will suffocate to death and that’s the worst way of dying.

Now 2 years have passed they can finally see Earth but they were starving and the oxygen supply is gone. They have to use oxygen tanks but the 2 astronauts died because they gave all of the oxygen to the engineer and the captain. They finally landed in the USAF base. They were relieved that most of them made it back to earth. The medics rushed to  the astronaut trying to revive them by giving them oxygen and in a second  they were alive they were all ok. They were all over the news. They told every single government that aliens exist in planet Auris. Now every single scientist are discovering new weapons to defeat aliens in case of an alien invasion.

Great writing, Kevin. Some outstanding language used such as: ‘nanobot,’ ‘astronaut,’ and ‘unidentified.’ Your NLS are to: Vary your sentence begionnings, add more detail to your main characters and introduce them at the beginning; lastly to organise your writing in other ways than by using time.