Levars Survey

Sammi's Narrative

The Princess that turn the Queen into a Bear.

By Sammi Lu

Once upon a time there was a kingdom far, far away. In the Kingdom there was a Princess, King and a Queen. The Princess is adventurous. She didn’t care how dangerous it was she just needed her bow and arrow and trusty companion her black horse. The Princess had long, bushy, red hair that swayed in the wind. The King is big and muscular. He will protect his family no matter what. The king had red bushy hair and a big black beard. The Queen is more ladylike than her daughter, she has long beautiful brown hair.

One day the Queen decided to stitch a big family portrait on a big piece of brown cloth the picture had the Princess, King and herself in it.

When the Princess turned sixteen the Queen decided to teach the Princess how to act like a Princess.

“ But I am a Princess” said the Princess.

“ You don't act like a Princess” said the Queen. “ From this day on I will teach you how to be a proper Princess” said the Queen.

The next day in the morning the Queen asked one of the kingdoms maid, “Go and wake up the Princess and tell her to come in the dining room,” said the Queen.

“ Ok your majesty,” said the maid.

The maid walked up to the Princess’ room and knocked on the door. The Princess didn’t reply so she knocked on the door again and the Princess didn’t reply again. The maid was worried that the Princess wasn’t in her room so she slammed the door open and the Princess got a fright.

“ What was that for?” said the Princess.

“Well you didn’t answer me when I was knocking so I thought you weren’t in your room,” said the maid. “Quickly get dressed brush your teeth and meet your mother in the dining room,” said the maid.

“Fine,” said the Princess.

The Princess woke up, got dressed and brushed her teeth. When the Princess was walking to the dining room she was quite hungry. When the Princess saw the food on the table she quickly sat down on a chair. “Lets eat Mother I am hungry,” said the Princess.

“Ok,” said the Queen.

After breakfast they went to the study room.

“Ok, we are going to start the Princess fix up,” said the Queen.

“ The Princess fix up? ”said the Princess.

“ Um.... yeah,” said the Queen.

*1 month later*

One day the Princess got frustrated with the Queen because she always said do this and do that. That day the Princess run away with black horse. They rode and rode until black horse stopped so the Princess got flung forward.

“ What was that for,” said the Princess while she cried.

For some reason black horse was scared. There was a little house. In the little house there was a little old Lady. The Princess knew the old lady was a witch so she went in the old ladies’  house. She wanted a potion that would make her mother disappear because the princess was so angry and frustrated with the Queen she never wanted to she her again. When the Princess went into the house the Witch wasn’t in the house. So the Princess looked around and around she couldn't find her. When the Princess looked around there was writing on the wall. It said ‘hello my name is Martha’

“Martha?” the princess called and a magic trapdoor opened from the floor. Martha popped up, “Yessss darling,” she said in a cranky voice.

“I Want a potion that would make my Mother disappear,” said the Princess.

“My potion making is over,” said Martha.

“I will give you my necklace,” said the Princess.

“Come closer with your necklace,” said Martha. The Princess went closer to Martha. “Where did you get this necklace? “said Martha.

“My Mother gave it to Me” said the Princess.

“Fine I will make a potion for you but you need to give me your necklace” said Martha.

“Ok,” said the Princess.

Martha clapped her hands and a big pot came up from the floor. She said magic words. Then a potion appeared in Martha’s hands. “Now listen carefully when you want to use the potion add water in the potion then it will activate. Wait for 6 seconds. If you want to reverse the spell just say oh dear oh dear I want her back I have made a mistake I want her back, but you will have to wait for two days for the spell to reverse,” said Martha.

“Yes I will” said the Princess.

The Princess took the potion off Martha went out of the house got on black horse and rode to the kingdom. Then went in the kingdom. Then she went in the kitchen got a cup poured the water half way then poured the potion and waited for 6 seconds. Then the cup turned into an apple. The Princess walked up to the Queen’s room and knocked on the door.

“ Come in,” said the Queen.

The Princess went in and give the Queen the apple.

“What is this for?” said the Queen.

“It’s to say I am sorry and plus I know you like apples,” said the Princess.

The Queen took the apple got a bite. But afterwards the Queen didn’t feel well so she decided to lay down for awhile. When the Queen was laying down she felt a tingle so she got up but when she got up she was turning into a bear. The Princess was frightened she didn’t know what to do. The Queen saw the Princess’ frightened face and she quickly ran to the mirror. Just then the Princess remembered the reverse spell.

“ Mother Mother we need to wait for two days for the spell to reverse,” said the Princess.

* Two days later *

In the two days the Princess and the Queen bonded. They went fishing and swimming together in the past two days. It was the second day the Princess and the Queen went to this lovely patch of flowers. They decided to say the reverse spell here.

“Oh dear oh dear I want her back I have made a mistake I want her back,” said the Princess.

Then there was a sparkle, a flash and a wiz then the Queen started to turn back into a human.

“It worked it worked! “said the Princess.

“I’m, I’m back as a human “ said the Queen happily.

They dance with joy all afternoon. The Princess learned her lesson. They went back as a happy family and they all lived happily ever after.

The End    

Great writing Sammi. Nice vocabulary and good use of direct speech. Your NLS are to: use speech marks correctly, add more detail to your character descriptions and to organise your paragraphs correctly.

Kevin's Narrative

A New Planet

The year is 2022. A scientist discovered a new planet that is identical to Earth. It has water and it’s just the right size for people to live in and also there’s a sun. They are going to call it Auris.  The president of America called the group called Vanu Sovereignty.  The president ordered them to head to Auris next month. It will take 4 years to reach. Their  ship is called Galaxy  Vx3  it’s armed with lasers in front, 2 lasers at the side of the ship one laser at the back and one nuke on the top.

After several days of training they are ready to launch. In 5 minutes they will launch. Today the earth stood still. There were no cars on the street, no planes in the air. Everyone stayed at home and watched T.V just to see them launch into space. T Minus 10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1 BLAST OFF!

They are in space now and heading towards Auris. They are traveling 100000 km per hour. In one hour they had no sight of the earth and the sun. They were in middle of nowhere.

One Year passed. They had travelled 100000000 light years  from earth. It was so far away that they had lost contact with Nasa but they can use their long range telescope to see them. It was so far away it was blurry.

3 years passed and they had traveled  300000000 light years  from Earth. Only 1 more year to go. Kennedy said, “We have unidentified aircraft approaching us from the north and closing in fast.” When the radar said it was right in front of them they couldn't see anything. Nick said “Get ready to shoot,” but then the radar said it was right behind him. The unidentified aircraft shot its lasers at the 4 engines. The aircraft rocked like a 10.1 earthquake.  Kennedy banged into a windscreen. Nick stayed on his chair. The other Rick  went flying across the ship and jason also went flying. After the unidentified aircraft flew away one of the astronauts was knocked unconscious and everyone else was ok. The ship has 6 engines but 4 of them had been destroyed so they only have 2 engines left.  The ship needed 6 engines to move and without those engines they couldn’t move fast they could only travel 60 km per hour. Nick said, “We need to repair the engines.” Then Jason said, “We don't need to, we have nanobots to repair the shredded engines but it will take 8 months to fully repair the engines.” Nick said “Let’s just use those 2 engines to head back to Earth”

“But it will take forever,” said Jason.

8 months passed. The good news is that the engines had been repaired but the bad news is that they are running out of food. Now the ship is heading towards earth traveling  100000 per hour  back to earth. Now they have to wait 2 years just to head back. The 2 astronauts said, “We don't have enough food to make it back to Earth.” But there's something worse than starving to death the ship only had 30% of oxygen remaining. They will suffocate to death and that’s the worst way of dying.

Now 2 years have passed they can finally see Earth but they were starving and the oxygen supply is gone. They have to use oxygen tanks but the 2 astronauts died because they gave all of the oxygen to the engineer and the captain. They finally landed in the USAF base. They were relieved that most of them made it back to earth. The medics rushed to  the astronaut trying to revive them by giving them oxygen and in a second  they were alive they were all ok. They were all over the news. They told every single government that aliens exist in planet Auris. Now every single scientist are discovering new weapons to defeat aliens in case of an alien invasion.

Great writing, Kevin. Some outstanding language used such as: ‘nanobot,’ ‘astronaut,’ and ‘unidentified.’ Your NLS are to: Vary your sentence begionnings, add more detail to your main characters and introduce them at the beginning; lastly to organise your writing in other ways than by using time.

Madi's Narrative

 Llama land  

Once there was a beautiful place called Llama land. It was full  of tall, short, skinny and fat llamas each and everyone a different colour. Llama land was full of fresh green grass that made the beautiful blue summer sky have a hint of green.

Llama land was home to a girl called Lily. Lily’s long shiny hair  would shimmer in the summer light. Lily loved to brush out the llamas curly hair so Lily’s tall figure came in handy.

One day Lily was picking flowers in the forest and she came across a flower she had never seen before. It was quite beautiful. It had an amethyst center that grew into a light purple that would shimmer when the summer sky emerged through the branches of the pine trees. Lily could not resist so she picked a bunch and went on her way. But what Lily did not know was that these flowers were in seed so every step Lily took another seed would fall out making another beautiful bush with sparkling purple flowers.

A group of blue green and pink llamas came along and ate some of this beautiful purple flower. A minute or two later the llamas collapsed. Lily heard their moaning cries and ran as fast as she could, adrenalin rushing through her body with her heart pumping. Finally Lily found them. Her heart stopped. Lily did not understand why the llamas were crying and why they were whimpering. There it was out the corner of Lily’s eye - she saw that same purple flower Lily had picked just minutes ago.

Lily felt like bursting into tears. But she had to be strong. Lily dropped the flowers and helped the llamas one by one to get away from this ghastly flower. The llamas were not safe there were 20 or so more plants. That night in bed Lily was thinking ‘How can I save these llamas and make them feel safe again?’ Lily fell fast asleep but with a fantastic idea in her head.

Lily was going to build a fence but not just any fence this fence would be 15 feet tall so no llamas could jump over it there would be concrete under the fence so no llama or any animal could dig underneath it. The fence would have no gaps so no llama big or small could squeeze through. Llama land was going to be safe again llamas would go throughout their day knowing that they would be safe.

Lily went and cut down some trees and asked the local tree cutter to cut them into long thick strips. He agreed. After long and hard days and nights Lily had finished the fence. Lily was impressed and proud of herself and what she had accomplished. So were the llamas of llama land and for that they made her Queen and everyone and llamas of the world lived happily ever after.

Great use of descriptive language to add detail. Your NLS are to remember to use capital letters for names and to use the possessive apostrophe eg: Madi's Narrative correctly. I'm also really pleased with the effort in correcting your spelling!! :)

Vincent's Narrative

Planet Earth 1000 Years Later.

One century there was a planet called Zebrlug which is a very, very small planet with a large population.

The planet Zeblurg is a planet where most of the population have a very high IQ (2x better than regular humans). Four people named Mosh, Michael, Adam and Elizabeth built an incredible spaceship that could pull a planet which they are going to use to pull next to their planet.

The family explored and explored even though they got sick most of the way through. They passed many many planets but they were either too cold, too hot or just unable to be lived on. The people on Zeblurg were desperate to get more space. Everyone was depending on them since the size of their planet is smaller than Pluto. ”We need more space!” shouted the Zeblurgarians.

The family has been travelling for four and a half months and they haven’t eaten in days. Fortunately  they found souffles. Finally after a few days they found a clean green planet called Earth. It was green with clean oxygen and fresh water to drink just like Zeblurg.

The family hovered down to planet Earth to observe what happens and what lives on the planet. The Zeblurgarians came out of the space shuttle and tried communicating with the earthlings but they were too busy protesting, fighting and having wars.

The Zeblugarians thought that this was horrible and they knew what this plant used to look like but now it has changed. But one of them had a plan.

The Zeblurgariand pulled planet Earth right next to them and thought of building a long tunnel. But before that they decided to put up a L.C.D screen around their planet with a force field around it. The L.C.D screen played a video of zeblurg and waited for the earthlings to react.

After the earthlings realised where they were they got all their missiles, rocket ships and bombs to throw at the planet. The video playback was pretending that they were hitting the planet when it was only a forcefield. The video played that they blew the planet up and the earthlings celebrated.

Zeblurg sent a hologram to earth and explained to them slowly what happened and why they did that and since they were both humans they decided to work together and lived happily ever after especially Adam, Mosh, Michael and Elizibeth received a huge reward and lived like kings.

Well done Vincent. Your NLS are to use consistent past tense and to make sure you develop your characters by adding in details of their appearance, personalities and clothing. You did a good job of describing what happened.

Nocolas's Narrative

Trap Field         

“Hurry up we got an email from a  volcanologist, are you listening?! Or are you asleep?!”

No answer.

“Hurry up you brown hair brown eyes snail!” said Nicolas  furiously

Andrew slumbered half asleep to the computer.

“Read this,” said Nicolas.

 

To Nicolas and Andrew

Hi I’m Dave a volcanologist. We have two gaps left for a trip to Rotorua to study the geysers. We would love to have you two to come along with us the money would be paid for the tickets to go to Rotorua. We have booked the flights to go there tomorrow so be ready junior

volcanologist.

Yours scenically,

Dave.

Andrew jumped from half asleep to really excited in seconds.

“Let’s go,” said Andrew to Nicolas with excitement.   

They packed their bags as quickly as possible. The next day was here so they hopped on a plane to Rotorua but they didn't know something really bad was going to happen.

     Nicolas and Andrew arrived at Rotorua on 26 of July 1998 for a study. The geyser we were taken to was one of the oldest and aggressive in Rotorua. Suddenly the geyser begun bubbling and fizzing unusually. We went back as a precaution, cracks opened up with lava showing.

We were amazed and scared at the same time that it could ever erupt with lava. Astoundingly there was lava down there. A volcano alarm went off. The head scientist thought it was a mistake because this geyser couldn't erupt as badly as a volcano, but he was wrong! Shortly after the ground started to shake and all the geysers became aggressive. Then it happened a massive burst of lava spewed out of the geysers. The hot water steamed away into vapor  then the lava overflowed out of the boundary.

We ran to the cars yelling. The hot Lava caught up to the cars because it was parked on the other side of the geyser and  it melted in a matter of seconds. We began sprinting the opposite direction. After a while we came across another geyser that was larger than the last one.  It covered the remaining exit and we remembered we were in the middle of the geyser field so where ever we go we will be blocked by lava. We were DOOMED. The only thing we could do was stay here and become vaporized humans. We heard a sound of hope a rescue helicopter was approaching to see if any one was at the geyser field  at the time of the eruption.

It’s a miracle!  We were full of joy.

But we weren't  rescued yet,the lava creaped closer to where we were yelling and waving.  We only had a meter between the lava that was scorching hot!  The rescue helicopter was near but we couldn't see it because the steam rose up  and covered it. Suddenly a ladder dropped from the sky then we clung on to the ladder and were pulled to safety.

    

The devastation was horrendous the lava poured into the neighbouring national park and set everything on fire and seeped into the neighborhood at least we escaped unharmed.

By: Nicolas Keenan

          

Well done - you used some excellent language, and varied your sentences to make them interesting. Your NLS are to use punctuation such as capital letters and apostrophes correctly. You also need to avoid sentences that 'run on.'

Shunto's Narrative

Pineapple

Once upon a time there was aq grandmother and grandfather who lived in the mountain. Every day the grandfather was mowing the lawn in the mountains and  the grandmother was washing  the clothes in the river. When the grandmother washed in the river the big pineapple came flowing. The grandmother said,“Large pineapple has been flowing.”

Grandmother back home and waited for grandfather to come back.

“What is this?" Grandfather said.

“Looks like delicious let's eat."

Grandmother tried to cut off some pineapple with a kitchen knife. When the grandmother cut the big pineapple a little baby boy came out.

Grandfather and grandmother were very happy because they don’t have children.

"Your name was Pineapple, because you’re born from pineapple”

4 years later, Pineapple don’t do any exercise and so lazy. One day terrible news came. It was news that aliens come to mess around and were killing humans in the city. So grandmother and grandfather didn’t do any work in outside. The house became poor because grandmother and grandfather didn’t do any work.

"I came to defeat the aliens” Pineapple said.

"Stop" grandmother said.

"Please stop," grandfather said.

"I would no longer eat something delicious so I defeat the aliens."

The Pineapple did not listen to his grandfather and grandmother so Pineapple went to go to the aliens base.  

Grandfather gave him a sword and grandfather said, “This was treasure that my grandfather found." Grandmother gave him delicious sushi. Grandmother cried and said, “Good luck Pineapple.”

Pineapple went to the alien’s base. There are so many aliens but Pineapple used the treasure sword and defeated all the aliens. The aliens boss was coming so Pineapple ate the sushi and use the sword and won. When Pineapple went back to the home the grandmother and grandfather were so happy. Grandfather said, “You did it.” Grandmother said, “My boy.”

After Pineapple killed all the aliens the king give money to Pineapple and Pineapple worked hard and ate many delicious things.

By Shunto Harada

Great work Shunto. I liked your use of direct speech and the story had a complication and a resolution. Your next learning steps are to: use full-stops and capital letters properly. As well as to use ‘the’ and write in the past tense.

Jessy's Narrative

                                             

Lost in the woods

Bella and Rosalie landed in Christchurch, New Zealand.They came from Australia to see all

the native animals. Bella is tall with long blonde hair and her passion is to help others. Rosalie has long brown

curly hair and she likes to help others too.

First the girls needed to find a hotel to stay in but they took the wrong turn and it took them into the woods.

The rental car broke down so they were stuck in the woods. Bella saw a big light coming their way.

Rosalie heard a noise, it was a car. The car stopped for them and they got in. Bella asked the stranger, “Can you

take us to a hotel?” And then the stranger did. The girls arrived at the hotel, it was amazing! There was an inside

pool, a spa and king size beds.

The next day Bella and Rosalie found these long wands under the beds, so Bella picked them up. The girls were thinking about their house in Australia and they suddenly turned up at their house. Then they realized it was a travelling machine. “Let’s go to Paris then London,” Bella said. Then they found out that they could appear anything in their hands. So they wished for a million dollars and it appeared in their hands. They were the richest people in the world.

Next they wished for a big castle and got one. It had 30 bedrooms, 35 bathrooms, 15 living rooms and 40 kitchens. They could do anything they wanted. After a while they used their wands way too much and got turned into witches. They did’nt want that. So they went to their magic books and they looked, looked and looked.

After a while Bella and Rosalie found the spell that they wanted. They cast the spell and they went back to

normal. They lived in their castle forever, happily ever after.

DONE BY JESSICA ETHERINGTON    

Well done Jesse, you’ve worked very hard at this. Good use of language and words that are more descriptive. Your next learning steps are to use consistent tense, to use speech marks correctly and to add more detail to your characters as things happen.

Tony's narrative

The Bear

Beep Aiden, wake up. Beep Aiden, wake up, beep. I opened my left eye and looked at my Iphone, 8:30am. I got up and slowly walked towards the the bathroom half asleep. I undressed myself, stepped in the shower and started cleaning myself. After I finished having my shower I looked at my face in the mirror. That large, pale scar going across my face contrasted my deep dark brown eyes and my black hair. I got dressed, walked down stairs into the kitchen and poured myself a bowl of cereal.

While I was eating I got a phone call from Anna (my childhood friend). She sounded as if she was crying and said for me to come immediately. So I quickly got in my car and drove off leaving my half eaten cereal behind. When I got there Alex’s car was there (my other childhood friend, Anna, Alex and I are really close, Alex has a crush on Anna). While I was walking up the stairs to Anna’s house I was thinking about how peaceful and fun it was when we were young. And then it all changed.

It was my 7th birthday, Anna and Alex were with me (I didn’t have many friends when I was young). We were having fun in the park when we heard a strange noise coming from a cave (the cave was big enough to fit an elephant inside it). I grabbed a stick and started walking towards the cave. My heart started pounding really fast, my hands started sweating and I started shaking a little bit. “Be careful” shouted Anna. I turned around to see Anna’s long blonde hair swaying in the wind, her blue eyes and her rosy cheeks. Anna always cared for me even when I was sick and she still cares for me even though she could have gotten sick herself.

I turned around and took a step closer. The cave  made a loud snorting noise. I quickly turned around. I stared right at Alex’s brown eyes and pulled a face saying HELP ME but he just took a step back and shook his head (he always was a scaredy cat, always making me do all the brave stuff even though i was scared too). Somehow I knew he would say no and I turned back around. I looked down and saw a stone, I picked up the stone and chucked it at the cave as hard as I could. It made a thumping sound. A loud roar came from the cave then there was silence then a BEAR came out!

The bear ran towards me, smacked me on my chest and sent me flying a few feet. Running towards me it scratched me on my my face and I started bleeding. The bear then put its paws together and smashed my right leg. Screaming, I fainted.

I woke up, shot up and looked around. “Oh thank god you’re alive!”

“Mum?” “where are we?”

“We’re in a hospital.”

“But what happened to the bear?”

“Why don't you ask Alex?”

I looked around the room and saw Alex and Anna in the back of the room. Alex stood up and walked towards me, I noticed something different about him. He dyed his hair brown when it used to be black and he didn’t have freckles anymore. “What happened to your freckles?”

Alex blushed and said “I still have freckles... I'm just wearing makeup.”

I let out a chuckle “Hey! you shouldn’t laugh at the person that saved your life!”

“Oh, yeah what did happen to the bear?”

“Well, when the bear smashed your leg and you fainted I knew you would be killed if I didn’t do anything. So I looked around and saw a stone. I threw it at the bear, then it got mad. It ran towards me so I ran for my life and told Anna to get your dad. While I was running I knew the bear would catch up to me so I climbed up a tree and waited. The bear saw me and started smacking the tree. The tree started breaking apart. Just before the tree broke, your dad shot a tranquilizer at the bears butt and it was paralyzed. That’s it, that the story.”

“Wow. But what happened to the bear?”

“We called the zoo and they took him.”

“When can I go home, mum?”

“About 2-3 weeks when your leg heals up.”

“It’s going to be boring here so make sure you guys come back play with me.”

At the front door I rang the bell.

“Come in”

I opened the door and...

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” the surprise was so surprising I nearly jumped off the stairs. I went in and greeted everyone. That day was the best day of my life... besides the day I got married to Anna.

Well done Tony, you really added some great descriptive detail about the characters. Next Learning steps for you are to stop putting more than 1 ‘and’ in a sentence, to use capital letters consistently and to vary your sentence beginning.