Nocolas's Narrative

Trap Field         

“Hurry up we got an email from a  volcanologist, are you listening?! Or are you asleep?!”

No answer.

“Hurry up you brown hair brown eyes snail!” said Nicolas  furiously

Andrew slumbered half asleep to the computer.

“Read this,” said Nicolas.

 

To Nicolas and Andrew

Hi I’m Dave a volcanologist. We have two gaps left for a trip to Rotorua to study the geysers. We would love to have you two to come along with us the money would be paid for the tickets to go to Rotorua. We have booked the flights to go there tomorrow so be ready junior

volcanologist.

Yours scenically,

Dave.

Andrew jumped from half asleep to really excited in seconds.

“Let’s go,” said Andrew to Nicolas with excitement.   

They packed their bags as quickly as possible. The next day was here so they hopped on a plane to Rotorua but they didn't know something really bad was going to happen.

     Nicolas and Andrew arrived at Rotorua on 26 of July 1998 for a study. The geyser we were taken to was one of the oldest and aggressive in Rotorua. Suddenly the geyser begun bubbling and fizzing unusually. We went back as a precaution, cracks opened up with lava showing.

We were amazed and scared at the same time that it could ever erupt with lava. Astoundingly there was lava down there. A volcano alarm went off. The head scientist thought it was a mistake because this geyser couldn't erupt as badly as a volcano, but he was wrong! Shortly after the ground started to shake and all the geysers became aggressive. Then it happened a massive burst of lava spewed out of the geysers. The hot water steamed away into vapor  then the lava overflowed out of the boundary.

We ran to the cars yelling. The hot Lava caught up to the cars because it was parked on the other side of the geyser and  it melted in a matter of seconds. We began sprinting the opposite direction. After a while we came across another geyser that was larger than the last one.  It covered the remaining exit and we remembered we were in the middle of the geyser field so where ever we go we will be blocked by lava. We were DOOMED. The only thing we could do was stay here and become vaporized humans. We heard a sound of hope a rescue helicopter was approaching to see if any one was at the geyser field  at the time of the eruption.

It’s a miracle!  We were full of joy.

But we weren't  rescued yet,the lava creaped closer to where we were yelling and waving.  We only had a meter between the lava that was scorching hot!  The rescue helicopter was near but we couldn't see it because the steam rose up  and covered it. Suddenly a ladder dropped from the sky then we clung on to the ladder and were pulled to safety.

    

The devastation was horrendous the lava poured into the neighbouring national park and set everything on fire and seeped into the neighborhood at least we escaped unharmed.

By: Nicolas Keenan

          

Well done - you used some excellent language, and varied your sentences to make them interesting. Your NLS are to use punctuation such as capital letters and apostrophes correctly. You also need to avoid sentences that 'run on.'