Jerry's Narrative

   Hero Jerry

                                             

AD2031, Jerry1 went to camping with Jerry2 and Jerry3. When they were having lunch they heard a strange sound. Jerry1 looked around he saw a bomb and the bomb had a timer on it but Jerry1 didn’t know it was a bomb. Jerry2 had always watching movies and he realized it’s a bomb and he told everyone it’s a bomb.

They took the bomb with them, then they went to the shop and wanted to buy an explosion cancelling device  -  but there were no explosion cancelling devices. Then they went to the weapon shop and there was an explosion cancelling device and they bought it.

Jerry1 asked,  “How to use it?” Jerry2 and Jerry3 also didn’t know but the timer on the bomb only had 20 minutes left. Checking the instructions, the book it said that they needed to enter the time when the bomb is first set and connect the bomb with the explosion cancelling device with a  USB line. “What is the time on the bomb?” Jerry 2 asked Jerry 1 when Jerry1 first saw the bomb but Jerry1 forgot.

Everyone forgot the time, but Jerry2 remembered that when they had lunch it was 12:30 and now it was 3:30; it should be 3:20 on the bomb when they first saw it but they didn’t know if it was the time first set or not. They decided to find the people who set it. Jerry2 and Jerry1 went to find the people who set the bomb. Jerry3 was looking at the bomb and when it’s going to explode he was going to ring Jerry1 and Jerry2. Jerry1 and Jerry 2 went back to where they had lunch, they saw there were lots of soldiers and Jerry2 saw they were finding something.

Suddenly there was a rabbit that came out from out the tree. the soldiers looked at the bushes where Jerry1 and Jerry2 were hiding. The soldiers came closer and the rabbit came out, the soldiers then went back. Jerry1 is very good at listening; he can hear people talking 3km away. He heard the soldier talking to his boss saying that they still didn’t found the bomb. Jerry1 told Jerry3 to come to the place where he is and take the bomb with him.

Jerry2 and Jerry1 went in to the tent where the boss was, they didn’t let anyone see them. They told the boss the things about the bomb and the boss trusted them so the boss also told them that the bomb is left by a soldier when there was a test that tests the soldier can set a bomb or not. Jerry2’s phone rang, it was from Jerry3. Jerry3 said, ”The bomb is going to explode, there’s 5 minutes left.” Jerry2 told the boss that there’s only 5 minutes left but the boss said, ”Don’t worry, just press the red button on the left side of the bomb and it will be cancelled, because it’s from a test so it needs to be safe.” Jerry2 rang back and told Jerry3, finally the bomb was cancelled.

Well done, Jerry. I likes the way you used paragraphs and speech marks. Your next learning steps are to vary your sentence beginnings, use consistent past tense and add more detail to your character descriptions eg: what do they look like, their personality and their clothes.